The handy man in me

I wouldn't exactly call myself a handyman around the home. I can change light bulbs, do the washing up after meals & I'm good at programming TV's & video's, and I would even consider myself a bit of a computer wizz; but when it comes to using a hammer & nails & putting things together, you would probably be better off getting the experts in.

Over the last few weeks we have bought a few household items that require DIY assembly. We bought a bedside cabinet for Jo, which I managed to put together in about an hour, once I figured it out & found the correct size screwdriver.



Mum then bought a new TV entertainment center. That was a little trickier to work out & took me about 2 and a half hours to complete.



Both these items are still standing properly, as you can see, so I must have done something right.

Friday funny

Ok, so I'm a day late for the Friday funny, but it doesn't really matter, because no matter what day it is, it's still funny.

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?' ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: MY name is Susan!
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ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
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ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
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ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo? WITNESS: We both do. ATTORNEY: Voodoo? WITNESS: We do. ATTORNEY: You do? WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
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ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
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ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty.
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ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Are you kidding me?
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ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Uh.... use your imagination!
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ATTORNEY: She had three children, right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? WITNESS: Are you kidding me? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? ____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
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ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard. ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Guess.
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ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
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ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?
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ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral.
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ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him! ____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?
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ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practising law.

Hope you had a good laugh.

IPhone on demand

It would seem that the new Apple 3G iPhone is in hot demand.

Here in NZ people have been queuing up outside an Auckland Vodafone shop since Tuesday according to this onenews article.

Kiwis eager to be the first in the world to buy Apple's new-generation iPhone have begun queuing up in freezing temperatures.

Four people with deck chairs, sleeping bags and a small tent started queueing on Tuesday night outside an Vodafone Auckland shop.

Now while I might be keen to get my hands on one of these one day, I don't have that sort of money to spend on one now, and I certainly would not be queueing outside a shop in the freezing temperatures for 3 days. Would you?

You can bank on security

Yesterday I heard a news story about the National Bank here in NZ implementing a security dress code for customers using their branches.

They have announced that they are banning Hoodies (hooded jumpers), beanies & balaclava's, and helmets to be worn inside their branches. Anyone caught wearing these items inside the bank, will be asked to remove it so that their face is visible.

I think it is a great idea to improve security & to reduce the robbery rate. I wonder how long it will take for the other banks to follow suit.

A white Christmas......not quite

Living in New Zealand, you're bound to see snow somewhere; and even though I grew up here, I never actually saw a snowfall. Now while I have been skiing at the ski fields, I've never actually physically seen the white stuff fall from the sky like rain.

Today we were expecting rain in the afternoon, but we were all pleasantly suprized when it started snowing. It was light at first, but gradually got heavier and covered both cars & turned our green lawn whiter than white.

According to the Metservice weather forecast, the entire country copped something out of the wintry blast. The temperature here in Christchurch dropped from 7 deg C at 2pm to 2 deg C by 3pm.

Now the snowflakes have turned into rain, & the white blanket of crisp snow is turning into a slippery, sludgy mess.

The photo in this post is one of a few that I took during the snowstorm; to view more photo's, CLICK HERE to go to my Facebook page.

So why did I title this post "White Christmas....not quite? Well I've always wanted a white Christmas, it's just the wrong time of year for those of us in the southern hemisphere.

First steps

Little Chloe just took her first couple of steps. Just 2 steps between mummy & daddy. Very exciting.

It's all good

You may or may not know that Jo is 20 weeks pregnant with our second baby. Yesterday we had our Anatomy scan of our little baby to check that everything is where it should be and also to determine the baby's gender.

The good news is that everything is all good, AND we are having a little boy. I never thought I'd be a little boy's dad. Am I happy about it? Absolutely!

Here is the image of the anatomy scan.

When it rains...things get wet

Here in Christchurch we've had allot of rain over the past 24-48 hours, check it out here.

As you would know, my family & I have recently moved here from Perth, and as a result we have several boxes & other household item stored in our garage. During heavy rainfall, the water seems to get into the garage under the side door.

We had allot of stuff on the floor at the front of the garage where the water was getting in, after the rain had stopped this morning I went out to the shed to asses the damage. I spent about half an hour clearing stuff away from where the water was & then sweeping the water out of the garage, onto the lawn.

There were a few boxes that had water damage on the bottom, but they were empty anyway, so it didn't really matter.

So now I have moved all the stuff to the back of the shed so that when it rains again, nothing will get wet.

Rain is good, and we need it, but just make sure nothing valuable will get in the path of the water.

The Principle of Tithing

I have always believed in the principle of tithing. In the Bible, God commands us to give back to Him 10% of our income. Now this can be in a number of ways, whether you put money into the offering bag when it comes around at church, or whether you give to a ministry or individual, or however else God tells you to give.

Over the last 18 months is has not been easy for Jo & I, after Jo quit her job to have a baby, and so we went from 2 good incomes down to one which proved a challenge. At times we were living from one pay check to another & often we found that we didn't have enough money to tithe after all our expenses had gone out.

I was thinking about the whole tithing principle & all of a sudden God gave me a revelation that I have never realized before. God says that He requires the first 10% of our income, and in Matthew 6:33 it says "Seek first the kingdom of God, then all these things will be added to you". So basically if I honour God with my tithe first, he will make sure there is enough for everything else. It's a simple principle, but one that I have never considered until now.

I don't know what tithing means for you, if anything, but I truly believe that if you apply the Biblical principles as God has commanded, you will feel such satisfaction & peace, just like I have now.

Flex

I've been posting a few video clips lately; I get a few of them through the email, and a few of them really are worth sharing. I'm actually thinking of starting a video blog.

I had a friend whose nickname was flexi-man. Well the man in this video certainly does suit that name.

WARNING - This video contains twisting body parts.